How to Create Life Friendly Ecosystems with Akima Brown

*Transcript is unedited (for the most part)

Gianna Diggs 0:05
You are listening to the mompreneur mindset podcast, a space where we empower you to build an aligned business. So you can spend less time on the things you think you should be doing in your business, and more time with the people you love. I am your host, Gianna Diggs. Let’s get into it

Welcome back to the show. So in today’s episode, we are going to talk about creating life friendly ecosystems with my guests are Kima brown. So a little bit about a keema. She is a producer, community organizer, and inclusion and belongings consultant, caregiver and a mom. Though currently residing in central Delaware with her family, she originally hails from Queens, New York, where she learned firsthand the importance of community creative expression and giving back. She’s passionate about creating intersectional identity in the way we live, love and work in order to help people live fully and freely the way they deserve desire and deserve. So without further ado, let’s get into the interview. Hi, Akima. Welcome to the show.

Akima Brown 1:16
Hi, thank you for having me.

Gianna Diggs 1:18
So I’m excited. Because today, we’re going to be talking about like work life balance, but in a super kind of cool way that when we diverse discussed, it sounds like Ooh, that sounds kind of fancy. And that’s creating life friendly ecosystems. So my first question to you is, is what is like, what are life friendly ecosystems?

Akima Brown 1:43
Yes. So, life friendly ecosystems are basically ways that we operate, that allow for us to make space for the things we love doing, that pay us and that don’t, as well as the people that we love. And so it’s really creating, you know, the thing with an ecosystem is that it’s all of these different organisms and life forms kind of coming together to have like a mutually beneficial existence. Literally, that’s what it is. For us. It’s us figuring out, how do we create these relationships and create these systems and create these operations and processes that allow for us to have exactly that?

Gianna Diggs 2:27
So what I guess happened in your life that kind of made you look at it as less of like work life balance and more of like, an ecosystem?

Akima Brown 2:39
Um, that’s a great question. So there’s, there’s really no such thing as balance. And I think that’s the thing that came to me, it was like, oh, you know, I was burning myself out trying to create balance. And balance implies that everything is all like, these two things are teetering, and they’re there. And the truth is, yes, exactly. And the truth is, they’re often not, that’s one, but two, coming into a space instead of harmony. And symbiosis means everything is always fluid, and it’s always moving. And because of that, is still always working. It’s the movement that makes it work, not trying to get things to a space, it’s not trying to get things to a place where they’re sitting still. And so for me, personally, that came when I decided that I was going to pursue my passion of working in film. And then I had my son, and actually, it almost went in reverse and that I decided this while I was pregnant. And then when I had my son and I just saw Oh, there’s no real balance here. Like the hours are crazy. The locations are nuts, the distance the traveled, it was like there’s no such thing as balance here. I have to find a way to make this work though. What do I do and that’s when I really started looking at you know, he’s a big science buff, I love science. And we just started studying like ecosystem and realizing oh, you know, nature just naturally organically works together. It’s it’s there’s a system in nature that allows nature to just be like, animals don’t have to discuss it talk about it make a plan about it just is and I was like, huh that’s what I need. I need to find that and so that’s really what made me say this is necessary and I’ve got to find a way to achieve it for myself.

Gianna Diggs 4:42
Right and I and I love that because we don’t look at everything as its own kind of fixture entity, you know it within our lives. In how we are planning right like we don’t it’s like either way Work is taking over or, you know, kids are taken over or personal health is taken over, right? We don’t everything it feels like its own separate entity. So within an ecosystem, everything is connected in some type of way. Yes, yes. And I think that’s what’s so powerful about creating a life, you know, friendly ecosystem is that it’s, there’s, like looking at a tree, it’s like branches.

Akima Brown 5:27
Yes, yes, it’s exactly that you are the root. And then everything else is branching out of that. And it’s really about you come into a place of saying, you have to be willing to say you are the root, you have to be okay, kind of being the center of that, and being okay with that part. And a lot of times, that’s hard for us, especially as women as moms like that. Sometimes that can be difficult. But it’s imperative for us to actually be fulfilled in all aspects of our lives to actually create those ecosystems and to create those those symbiotic relationships where we’re getting what we need, as we’re giving what others need us as well. So yeah,

Gianna Diggs 6:11
I love that. So what are the top three things mompreneurs need to know when they’re creating their life friendly ecosystem?

Akima Brown 6:21
Number one, know yourself. So know yourself, by yourself. And what I mean by that is, you know, so often, we know who we are in relationship to other people. We know how other people make us feel, or, you know, we know ourselves as mom as wife, as you know, worker, as employer, as we know ourselves in relationship. What we have to know, in order to create a life from the ecosystem is just who we are, period. What are the things that you like? What are the things you love? What are the things that you need, like what is a non negotiable, absolutely must have what’s a nice to have, have those things outlined? Because it’s going to be imperative in how you then move into creating relationship and what you need to ask for. Because sometimes what you need from your life friendly ecosystem, what you need from your support base, is the alone time is the wait time, but you have to know when that is and how to ask for that. So know yourself by yourself. That’s one. Second thing is, you know, really be keen on how you vet people. Part of a life friendly ecosystem, it does require having other people it does require symbiosis. And you want to be careful that you’re not someone who’s giving, giving, giving, and you’re not being poured back into that you’re not attaching yourself to people who are accustomed to taking. So you really want to pay attention to vetting people and looking at you know, who are these people that are coming into your, your support space, who are coming into love on you, and nurture you and be there for you. And just really figuring out how to determine if that person is is a great fit for you, I was having this conversation with someone yesterday, sometimes someone’s 100% might be your 30%. And you’ve really got to be honest about that. Because, you know, but again, that comes to knowing you, when you know who you are, in and of yourself, then you can be more honest about that and say, Ah, that’s not the thing. I mean, that’s nice in terms of like friendship, and this and that, but that’s not really going to be a central component of, of my ecosystem here. So like, great, like, this is an interim, you know, occasional acquaintance, because this is not gonna do it for me, that what you can’t know that until you know you so that that those are the top two. And then third, be the person that you’re looking for. And what I mean by that is, you know, don’t ask anything of others, in terms of what they contribute to your network in your system that you yourself are not willing to also give to them, or what you are not also willing to give to you, because that’s a big one. And so I think that definitely that third one is, you know, just being the kind of person who reciprocates who’s willing to both give and receive and who’s willing to be accountable who’s willing to you know, to hear that, hey, maybe your 100% Is there 30% You know, and really being okay with that and what that means. So, those are the top three things, know yourself, you know, that folks accordingly and reciprocate.

Gianna Diggs 9:52
Right, and I think all of those things just tie in to just awareness. Right? It’s just like that. That’s what I was thinking, as you were talking, I was just like being aware, right? Because it’s so easy as moms and business owners who just put everything else ahead of yourself. Every, you know, I gotta work on this project, you know, and I, I’m speaking from experience, because I’m feeling that right now of planning, baby shower, planning a wedding and trying to, you know, get my business at a point of when the baby comes, you know, I’m, I feel okay, right. And it’s just, there’s just these levels of stress that come from that of trying to be present in a bunch of different things at one time. So having the awareness of what you want, and you know, the people around you, and, you know, who, how you’re giving and taking is, I think, so key to creating a successful business, but also just creating a successful life around that, if you’re gonna have a successful business, but you know, and life falling apart, right, right, life is in shambles. And,

Akima Brown 11:02
and I want to, I want to tap on that, because one of the things that you know, even as you talk about the things that you’re trying to do, and what you’re looking to create, and you know, just all the different things that you’ve got going and trying to juggle and figuring out that harmony, there is still an element of but you are aware, you know, you are aware of what you need, and you are aware of what you know, you need to ask of the people around you. And I think what’s so greatest like you do have those people around you, though, who are also say, it’s going to be okay, okay, let me see what I can figure out. How can I help? And that’s what a life from the ecosystem really looks like. It’s not always you having to go. It’s falling apart. Someone somewhere is also knowing, Hey, I see you, friend, Come, come come. It’s gonna be okay. What are we doing? Okay, great. So here’s what I see. Here’s how I can help, you know, kind of trying to tap in and that way, so yeah.

Gianna Diggs 11:59
Yeah, that’s, that’s definitely exactly what I was thinking. I’m like, you know, where he’s like, I walk around with a chicken with my head cut off, because we’re trying to figure it out. But it’s like, nope. Let me tap into this network and see who can help me. So I don’t

Akima Brown 12:14
know, but that work is serious. Yeah.

Gianna Diggs 12:16
So what would you say, is like the most important element of like creating or having a life friendly ecosystem?

Akima Brown 12:27
I think it is, I think you summed it up really well, I think it is that awareness. And I think, you know, really being okay with being what I call self centered, not necessarily selfish, but self centered in the sense that you do the work to make sure you’re rooted, you do the work to make sure you’re grounded, you do the work to make sure you are aware, so that you can effectively communicate your needs, you do the work to make sure that you’re saying these are my boundaries, I’m not going to cross them, you do the work to make sure that you’re putting things in place that are not only, you know, challenging for you and stretching you all the time, but are also sometimes just allowing you to rest, just allowing you to be allowing you to regroup allowing you to replenish and rejuvenate. And so that I think is the key element in terms of, okay, what’s the first thing you have to do to create this habit like before all else, it really is that awareness and that coming into a two men in alignment and self centeredness and being self aware?

Gianna Diggs 13:35
Right. And I love that you made the distinction of being self aware versus being selfish, because a lot of times we think that okay, self care, for example, is selfish, right? We are that’s what they try to make it seem, Oh, you want to go to a spa? Do you need to go to a spa? Do you need to do this? And you know, you have people in your life where you’re like, Yes, but how is me going to a spa not? It’s selfish, right? Like, I have back issues, despite helps me or whatever you whatever it is that you need to do.

Akima Brown 14:03
Right? It has emotional overwhelm, despite help you know what I mean? Right, right, being able to say, this is just, you know, I’m trying not to become burned out and overwhelmed. I’m trying to stave off overwhelm. This lot helps me like we, you know, I won’t go too deep into this. But I always say, you know, luxury isn’t itself a form of resistance because we, as a community, as a society have become so attached to this idea of the struggle, we have to struggle, everything has to be a struggle, and we then we want to blame people when they’re too overwhelmed, burnt out and tapped out to be able to actually achieve the thing that they were setting out for in the first place. Now you’re a quitter. Like, it’s just all of these issues, and I’m going you know, sometimes just being able to sit in luxury and luxury does not have to mean that you’re taking you know, six weeks Your trips and sitting on a private jet. Sometimes for some people, luxury might just mean going to the grocery store and getting those maraschino cherry, you know, cherries and sitting on, you know, in your living room and just say, I’m not doing anything today like, right, if that’s what it is, then that’s what it should be. And that’s okay. And I think that that’s something we just as a society have kind of gotten away from. And I think it’s especially true when we start to talk about women and women entrepreneurs and mothers and mom entrepreneurs, especially because there’s this expectation that we are always taking care of someone else is doing something. And whenever we say exactly, and when we say, but I’m not okay. It’s well, then because you’re not strong enough. And my strength should not be determined by how much crap I can

Gianna Diggs 15:52
say. Right. Right. How much I can endure. Yeah.

Akima Brown 15:55
Yeah. So yeah, that’s, that’s my little sash. I think it’s, I know, it’s important. Here. It’s important that I think is critical here. Just to note that, yeah,

Gianna Diggs 16:07
yeah. Because we always, it’s always like, if it’s not a struggle, then it wasn’t worth it. Right? Oh, you got to struggle to get to the top of because, you know, I had to go to X, Y, and Z. And now I’m here. And it’s like, everyone’s cheering. But if you had it easy, then it’s like, it’s a problem. Oh, you had an easy, you didn’t understand the struggle. And it’s like, we don’t have to struggle. I always say that. God did not put us on this earth to struggle. And if you think that you need to struggle that you need to reevaluate something, because that’s

Akima Brown 16:35
an asset. If, if hit and this is so this is so important. I love that you said that, because one of the things that I think we often don’t recognize is that that is a trauma signal. Right? I stuffed I suffered. Therefore, for you to be able to get what I got without the struggle without the suffering means that you didn’t really earn it. And, you know, we put this we put this idiom out there have, you know, anything worth having is worth fighting for. But if you’re always fighting for it, you never actually achieve it, you never actually get it, and you can’t enjoy. Exactly. And so there has to come a point where the struggle ceases. Because are we saying we also want our children to struggle? Are we saying we want anyone after us? When does the struggle stop? When does it become okay to have simply attained, that does not mean that we should not still have a certain level of understanding for those who are struggling, which means that there needs to be a reset in the system and the way that things are designed, because people may be struggling, and not inadvertently. But in some, in some instances, it’s very intentional, but because people are struggling, then what can we do to aid in that because we are now not struggling? However, if someone is coming into something without all of the strain and strife, but they still recognize and appreciate the value of what they have, that’s all that should matter. Right? It’s not it’s, it’s, I think, so often, we make those two mutually exclusive, either you have to struggle to understand it, or you’ve attained it easily. And so you don’t get the value of the thing that you possess. And it doesn’t have to be that way. And I think particularly for moms, especially mom, entrepreneurs, I don’t know how many of your listeners are in a place where they want to create something that their children will take over. But there’s there is an element of you can teach your babies, how to acquire what you’re handing over. And to value it without them having to struggle and strain and press, right the same way that you had to to believe that those two things don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Right. And again, part of that comes back to that life friendly ecosystem. Who’s in your network? Who’s in your system? Who’s helping you with that process? Who are you having these conversations with? So I think all of those things, they all play into each other.

Gianna Diggs 19:10
Right? I agree. So what would you say what has been like the biggest struggle or a biggest challenge when when trying to create that, you know, that great life friendly ecosystem?

Akima Brown 19:23
Um, I think the biggest thing is probably most people are at the point of the need for the for the ecosystem, and therefore don’t have the luxury of really pouring into it in the degree that is necessary at that moment, so I’m gonna break that down. Most people who are searching and seeking a life from the ecosystem are the people who are currently overburdened, overtaxed, stretched thin, too tight If they need the support, and so being a part of a system that also then needs them becomes difficult. And what I tend to find is, in order to overcome that part of the challenge, what we really have to do, this is where the vetting comes in. This is where the being honest, right? If we’re truly honest about what it is that we need, then we can bring people into our circles, and not try to make one person everything. And I think that’s true for so on so many different levels. But hey, I have a friend who I know I can call her when I need, you know, money advice, I know, I can call this friend over here, when I need childcare, I know I can call this friend over here, when I need a lead, I can call you know, and when you spread that out, and you don’t put the onus of, hey, I need all of your time, I need you to help me, I’m trying to build a business, but also need childcare. And we’re gonna have to figure out this transportation thing on Tuesday, and I need you to be all of that. Versus we create an ecosystem, we’re all mutually beneficial to one another and helping one another. But that the main challenge with that is the patience to figure out how that best works like how the puzzle pieces fit, and variant would best be best suited where because most of the time, the people who are looking for the system are are desperate for that. And it becomes a challenge in terms of Okay, so now how do I tap into it for real? So it can be it can be a lot, but it’s so nice. And I I say that as someone who, who now has my system and my support base, it is so worthwhile. Once you figure it out. It can take a little bit, but it’s so worthwhile once you figure it out.

Gianna Diggs 21:53
Right? It’s funny that you say that because again, going like I’m just thinking about President mind and the things that I’m presently dealing with. And we’re like, you know, I have friends who are like, well, you know, because we got to make adjustments of like, oh, well, we’re no longer planning this big wedding anymore, because now we’re having a baby, but we’re still getting married and all these other different things that I’ve kind of been dealing with these last few months. And having people around me say, well let me know how I can help and me literally be like, I don’t know how you can help you. It’s like, I don’t know, like, I know you’re good at this thing and like, but what I had to do, because I have a best friend who she that she said this to me like last week, and she’s like, Oh, well, I know you have this going on. How can I help? And I was like, initially, I literally was like, I don’t know how she can help. But then I had to like kind of like, just anyone who’s kind of like, how do you do that had to just sit back and reflect of like, what is she? How can she help me? Like what is she good at? And I was like hair? I was like I was I’m putting in crochet? Right? I’m like, I don’t want to do it myself. Can you do it for me? And she’s like, Yeah, because I’m off on these days, from her business that she has out. You could come over and we can get it done. Right, like but I had to self reflect first and right. That’s that awareness that’s to be able to figure out how she can help me exactly. You know, it’s like, how can she help me? Oh, she, she does hair like, you know, she went to summer with me. So she’s like, Oh, she’s doing my hair while he was in school, right? Like, I always knew she did that even though she does other like esthetician kinds of things as well. But I had to really self reflect on what, how can she help me? Rather than just dismissing her and be like, Well, I don’t know. So I’m just gonna leave it alone.

Akima Brown 23:28
No, and that’s exactly it and then goes back to that original part of you have to know yourself by yourself. Because then you know what you need? Then you have to consider, okay, who can actually help me and support me with that need? Now I know what I’m asking for. Because now I know what I need. And I know who to ask for the thing I need that that’s that process. That is exactly it. That’s exactly it. Right.

Gianna Diggs 23:55
So you kind of said, you kind of mentioned this a little earlier. But I want to get your opinion on this. Do you think that it’s possible to find like a happy medium between working too much and not working enough?

Akima Brown 24:10
Absolutely. Um, because again, I don’t think that the happy medium is balance. I think that’s where we I think that’s where we end up getting. That’s where we ended up kind of tripping ourselves up a little bit. The happy medium is not balanced is harmony. The happy medium is symbiosis. The hack is finding that

Gianna Diggs 24:33
thing. Oh, yeah, that’s Oh,

Akima Brown 24:37
because, but it’s and I speak that from my from my heart and from my truth because what ends up happening is you know, there are times where your family is going to have to take precedent. There are times where your work is going to have to take precedence but you have to determine so it was it There’s this wonderful quote, I’m trying to remember now off the top of my head who said it, and I can’t think of it, but it said, you know, life is all about juggling balls. The key is figuring out which ones are plastic and which ones are flies. No, yeah. That’s that. And I live by that. That for me was like a ha. Because you don’t want to drop the glass balls, right? The plastic ones and they drive, okay, they bounced back eventually, you know, somebody picks it up, throw it back in there for me, okay, cool, whatever. But the glass ones once those shatter, that can be irreparable,

Gianna Diggs 25:33
right. There’s no fixing so. So I think the

Akima Brown 25:37
happy medium really is harmony and figuring out what exactly and when exam because that’s the key. It’s not just what but when? When is it imperative to say, I have to put this on the backburner in order for this to take precedent? Or when is it? You know, important to say, That can wait, that that you know what? This that can wait or this has to happen right now? So yeah, I think that’s where you find the medium is not balanced is harmony.

Gianna Diggs 26:05
Oh, I love that. So I’m like, I’m like, Oh, you said it. And I was like, quote, thank you, thank you. I’m gonna write that one down. Or you should write that down. Write that down. Definitely. So do you have like, any advice for, and you kind of touched us a little bit before but for, for that mom, entrepreneur, who she’s just like, she hears you. But she’s like, it’s a struggle. I’m struggling. I like I don’t I don’t know how to create this system. I don’t know how to do any, like, life is just happening, right? Like, it’s not yes, it’s just all over the place. Right? Like, what would you say to her for, for her creating, that, you know, that ecosystem? Or, or even in your mindset, like, where you were at that moment, when you created that ecosystem? Like what what advice would you would you give her

Akima Brown 27:01
so there are a couple of things, the first of which is that, above all else, you are a mom. As much as it sounds like what being a mother is one of the most challenging, expansive, tiring. But yet rewarding things we can ever do. And you do it every day. And regardless of what you may feel about how you’re doing it, you are doing it well. And the reality is that when you look at it from that perspective, there really isn’t anything that once you have decided now that you’re going to do it, that you cannot take those same skill sets those same attitudes, those same practices, and transfer it into to make it work. So that’s the first thing you already have and possess everything in you that you need, whether or not you realize it. And in talking to the moment when I realized that for myself, it came from a book called The no sleep solution, the no Christ Sleep Solution. I’m trying to remember the name of the the wonderful doctor who actually wrote it. It was a nurse practitioner, I believe, who wrote it, she was a sleep coach. And one of the things that she had discussed was, you know, there, it doesn’t matter how tired you are, right? Now, if you could just give yourself 10 days to push in just a little bit more, just trust me with 10 more days, I can assure you that there will be change in 10 days. And I was like, I am sleep deprived. I cannot do this. This is too hard. Like how? And she said no, no, no. The book and the book even has a moment and it was so funny. Because when I’m sitting down, I’m saying this, I’m glad she goes, I know you’re thinking you’re sleep deprived, and I was like, oh my god, she knows me. She’s like, because I’ve been there. Because I’ve been there. Trust me that if you give it the time, it will happen. And so that is always the thing that I also say to moms, you are in a you are in a role where your responsibility is constantly shifting. Because it’s about an individual it’s about you. It’s you know, the individual you’re raising who you are as a person, but also the society around us and all these different things. Like it’s your role is constantly changing. And yet you navigate that. If you give it the time, you can absolutely do this. Give yourself the time to sit with yourself, journal reflect, figure out your own needs. Think about what kinds of people do you then need to partner with to be in communication with who already in your circle, maybe those people right, and then start to connect and reach out. You will be surprised there are a number of you know programs through community centers and recreation You know, centers and different things throughout the cities all across the country that, you know, it’s like Mommy and Me for younger kids, or it’s just, you know, moms that night out for older kids, things like that, for moms with older kids, and so you can actually tap into those networks, their ready made networks and begin to find your people in there if you’re someone who’s like, but I don’t know where to start. It, just give yourself the time. You’re already doing it. Everything you need to succeed in this venture already exists in you from something else. It’s just about transferring it over.

Gianna Diggs 30:36
I love that. I got to show when you said that. That’s awesome. So before we go, please let the people know where they can find you online.

Akima Brown 30:46
Absolutely. So anyone looking to connect with me to work with me? Or just ask questions for clarity on anything I discussed here today. You can find me across all social media at chemo Brown. 33. So if you go to a chemo brown.com my emails are there. You can also find me on Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook and Twitter at a chemo brown 33.

Gianna Diggs 31:11
All right. Okay, man, thank you so much for being here. I feel like this is just a topic that we as Moms always like it’s always going to come up because we’re always adjusting Right? Like, okay, kids get older, these things come up, you know, might have another baby like, I’m there. I have a five year old and I’m starting over, right. So you know, all these different things come up. So I appreciate your wisdom and your knowledge of your life centered ecosystem. I love it so much. So yes, thank you for being here.

Akima Brown 31:42
Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.

Gianna Diggs 31:50
Thank you for listening to the mompreneur mindset podcast. I hope you found today’s episode valuable. If you enjoyed listening to today’s episode, I would love it if you could subscribe rate or review the show your support, it really means the world to me. Also, if you want to join in on a discussion about today’s topic, and seek guidance, assistance and advice from fellow mompreneurs I invite you to join the mompreneur mindset community. You’ll find a warm and supportive group of women who are eager to help you achieve your business goals. So head to www dot Gianna diggs.com backslash community for more information

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