You ever hear that old saying “you can’t love someone else, if you don’t love yourself first?”
I always thought that saying was bull shit.
Why?
Because I saw many people in my life love other people more than they loved themselves.
They would sacrifice their happiness to make someone else happy.
They would walk around in raggedy clothes just to make sure their children had it all.
But I realized as I got older, that it’s not bullshit. We all need self-love.
And the problem is that as moms it’s very hard to always do that.
Again, sacrifices
But what is self-love?
Self-love, as defined by dictionary.com, means The instinct or desire to promote one’s own well-being; regard for or love of one’s self.
But self-love is more than just a desire to promote your own well-being.
It is about loving all the parts of yourself that you feel are undesirable such as being impatient, emotional, or demanding.
It is about loving yourself enough to leave a toxic situation be it a relationship or a job.
The bottom line is that loving yourself is critical.
The more you love yourself, the better you’ll take care of yourself.
It impacts your health, longevity, self-esteem, self-confidence, and success. When you love yourself, you make yourself a priority. You deserve nothing less.
Try These Tips and Discover Greater Self-Love:
- Remember your victories.
We spend so much time remembering our failures. Where you practice self-love is when you view yourself in a positive light. One of the easiest ways to do this is to remember your triumphs.
Remember a time when you accomplished something big, like graduating from college. Think about that time you received a promotion. Remember those triumphs that put a smile on your face every time you think about it.
Action Item: Try remembering your triumphs instead of your failures for a month and see what happens!
- Volunteer.
I know I said this article is about loving yourself but when you practice loving others, you love yourself as well.
Why?
Because volunteering is a great way to boost your self-esteem.
It’s easier to love yourself when you see yourself as a good person.
You’ll enjoy the mental break by putting your attention on someone else, and your opinion of yourself will get a boost. You’re a good person, so remind yourself of that from time to time.
Action Item: Find a place to volunteer at. It could be The Boys and Girls Club, a soup kitchen, or even Habit for Humanity. Make sure it’s a cause that you support.
- Be a good friend.
I know, between adulting and being a mother, being a good friend can be hard. I too struggle with being a fully present friend.
We all have different circumstances that affect how good of a friend we are to others, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try.
Being a good friend makes you feel good about yourself. It will also improve the way your friends view and treat you, too. Everyone wins when you decide to be a good friend.
Action Item: Call up a friend you haven’t seen in a long time and go to dinner.
- Forgive yourself.
I think we all struggle with forgiving ourselves. We beat ourselves up over the smallest mistakes. At least I know I do. One mistake and I am thinking about it for weeks, maybe even months. Oh and don’t let someone bring it up, then it’s on my mind forever!
But who hasn’t made a few mistakes?! We all have! It’s apart of being human. We are not perfect.
So forgive yourself. Like REALLY forgive yourself. It’s time.
If you would forgive someone you care about, you should also forgive yourself.
I know, easier said than done.
Action Item: Below are a few ways to help you forgive yourself
- Acknowledge how you feel- Give yourself permission to recognize how you feel. Remember it’s okay to feel whatever emotion you feel (guilt, disappointment, shame, etc.). Acknowledge and process it so you can move forward.
- Own your mistakes- acknowledge that you made a mistake and own it by admitting that the mistake was made in the first place.
- Look at the mistake as a learning experience- we all have lessons to learn and we learn them from different experiences. The mistakes we make should be treated more like a lesson than a mistake.
- Write yourself an apology- I say this often, but writing is very therapeutic. The same way you would write an apology to someone else, do the same for yourself. Acknowledge the mistake, acknowledge how you feel, read it out loud once done, make the decision to let it go, and then release it by either tearing it up or safely burning it.
- Get in shape.
Being a mother is hard and other aspects of life (work, bills, having no time) take precedence over working out and eating healthy when you have to worry about taking care of and providing for your children. Trust me I know the struggle!
But, taking care of your body is the ultimate act of self-love. You’re loving yourself every time you eat a healthy meal or exercise your body.
Getting in shape doesn’t mean we should all be the same size 2 that we see on TV or the fashion runway. Getting in shape is about caring enough about your body that you treat it with love.
You only get one body, so it is important that you are not harming yourself by eating poorly and not getting enough exercise.
Action Item: Show yourself that you take your health seriously. Find the perfect workout and dietary plan that works FOR YOU. Don’t follow what everyone else is doing.
I love to dance and I recently discovered an App called Neou Fitness. You can stream it on all your devices (TV, phone, tablet, and computer). There are over 60 fitness concepts that you can stream both live and on-demand, like dance, kickboxing, yoga, meditation, spin, toning, prenatal and postnatal, and even workouts for your kids.
It is super affordable at $14.99/month or $99.99/year.
Disclaimer: I am not an affiliate of Neou Fitness. I just fell in love with the app.
- Appreciate your uniqueness.
We all have something unique to offer to the world. Embrace it!
It’s okay if you feel embarrassed about your qualities, skills, or abilities that are unique to you.
But the thing is, we all have a unique quality that may seem embarrassing, but SO WHAT!
I said it in my Get to Know Me Post, that I tend to talk to myself often. It’s my form of self-talk, except I prefer to do it out loud.
To some people, it might be weird. But when times are hard, it is my inner voice that gets me through it. It’s the voice that encourages me to pursue what some may feel is impossible. I had to stop looking at it as weird and embrace it.
Realize that the most valuable parts of you are those that are different from others.
The fact that you have an elbow doesn’t make you special.
Action Item: Write down all your qualities, skills, and abilities that make you unique. Don’t limit yourself. If you think you have a quality that is weird or you feel embarrassed about it, write it down anyway.
- Practice gratitude.
Practicing gratitude is a great way to enhance self-love because you’ll start to believe that you deserve more love from yourself.
Think about how you felt the last time someone expressed gratitude to you for something you did for them. I’m sure you felt genuinely happy and was proud of yourself.
That is the effect that gratitude has on you. It just makes you happy!
Now think about how you would feel if you expressed gratitude for your body, mind, and uniqueness.
You will experience so many positive emotions that you will feel like you can accomplish anything (I know from experience!).
Even during hard times, know that your life is better than you think. You are better than you think.
Action Item: Challenge yourself and practice daily gratitude for a week. Write down how you feel at the beginning of the week and how you feel at the end of the week. I am sure you will feel a sense of joy and gratitude for everything in your life by the end of the week.
Download my Gratitude Journal to help you get started.
- Be as kind to yourself as you would be to anyone else.
I know so many people who are kinder to others than they are to themselves. In my opinion, it is easier to be kinder to others because there is no inner voice inside criticizing everything you do.
But in doing so, you are just showing everyone, including yourself, that you don’t respect yourself because you beat yourself up for every mistake, you judge yourself for not being perfect, and you compare yourself to others all the time.
This is NOT self-love!
Believing that you deserve the best despite your mistakes is self-love. Nurturing your self-esteem is self-love. Understanding that you are not perfect is self-love.
At the end of the day, there’s no one looking out for you, so you’ll have to take on this responsibility yourself.
Someone can tell you all day that you’re worthy, but unless you believe it yourself, their words are meaningless.
Action Item: Evaluate your inner voice. Are you kind to yourself? What type of self-talk do you use- negative or positive?
Do these activities to help you be kinder to yourself:
- Give yourself recognition for your accomplishments- write down your accomplishments daily no matter how small.
- Shut down negative self-talk- Yes, you are worthy! Talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend.
- Take a break- sometimes we need to get away to regroup and that’s okay.
- Ask for help- if you are struggling to accomplish something, utilize your tribe to help get it done.
- Enjoy life- get out, take a break from the rat race, and just have fun enjoying life.
Related Post: How to Stay Sane in a Time of Uncertainty
Self-love is an important part of your self-development.
Without self-love, your success and happiness face a huge obstacle.
I’ve given you a lot of information but know that self-love is a skill that can be developed.
It’s the result of an effective set of habits. Set aside some time each day to build your self-esteem and self-love. I’ve given you some tools to get you started.
Trust me, your life will be better for it.
Let me know in the comments below how you are trying to practice more self-love.
Okay love, See you in my next article.
Peace,
1 Comment on 8 Easy Ways to Boost Self-Love + Free Workbook